On Dec. 7, the district announced a new plan that will hope to combat the ever growing enrollment numbers at BG. The referendum that was approved by three out of nine board members (which the district qualifies as the majority), calls for a school-wide tryout, as following the 2018-19 school year, the school’s population will be cut from 1400 to just 350.
“I love the idea,” freshman Heir Pawed said. “Some of these kids just really shouldn’t be here. The other day, some kid came up to me and asked me where the bathroom was. While I was peeing. The nerve.”
The tryouts will be conducted throughout the course of the fourth quarter. If a student is chosen to leave the school the following year, they will be stamped with a red sticker that reads, “PWNED”. They can either wear the sticker the remainder of the year or go home from that point onward. Parking in the basin, parking in the parking lot, parking, driving, having a parking pass not directly placed in the bottom right-most section of your back window, wearing AirPods and not carrying a water bottle, can all be PWNED.
“It’s mostly just incentive so students stop being such annoyances,” principal Jerry Tubbits, who asked to be kept anonymous for this article, said. “We knew it wouldn’t get passed by the board unless we had a real reason, so we pulled out the classic ‘there’s too many people in the school’.”
Events in the tryouts include stair runs, in which students must get up the main staircase in the least amount of time possible. The top 25 percent of the school will get to carry on being Bison for the following year. The hallway bumper tryout, reserved for freshmen and sophomores, will utilize new technology in iPads to detect collisions the students get in with upperclassmen. Any student exceeding ten collisions a day will be PWNED, but it seems this ruling is subject to change as not one student has finished under that number yet.
“I like seeing all the upperclassmen angry when I run into them,” Pawed said. “I’d be pretty peeved if I got expelled, though.”