District implements militaristic new policies for students with GPA below 2.8

D214 has cracked down on students with a GPA below 2.8, the limit that is considered to be “proficient or average.” The strict punishments began for such students last semester, when it was announced that such students wouldn’t be able to leave campus for lunch. Next semester, however, the district promises to be even tougher.

“Essentially, we haven’t seen any improvement in GPA from our earlier attempts,” district official Dr. V. Stern said. “This may or may not have something to do with the fact that GPA is decided at the end of the semester, but at this point we can’t be sure.”

The new policies have been met with controversy. Students have reported being wiretapped without a permit, being forced to complete missing assignments from classes that concluded up to three years ago and having to stay in a single windowless classroom during lunch.

“On an average Tuesday, I see the sun for about 20 minutes,” sophomore Conn. Vict said. “The room is dark and empty, filled with nothing but left-over assignments and the smell of desperation.”

Many students have been questioning the effectiveness of the new policies. Grades have seen a minimal increase, mostly due to the fact that teachers can’t keep up with the amount of late work being turned into them.

“In the past week, I’ve gotten well over 400 late take-home FRQs. I can’t keep up with them,” teacher O.V. Verked said. “I received one from February of 2014. I didn’t even know that was possible.”

The legality has also been questioned, but district officials aren’t backing down. Calls of controversy, they believe, will be silenced with results at the end of the semester.

“The students can run, but they can’t hide,” Stern said. “That GPA will be with them through everything they do in adult life. Studies have shown that some students without a GPA over 3.0 will probably be banned from voting in 2020. That’s just disturbing, and these initiatives will probably fix that.”

Students aren’t convinced. Most of the student body is committed to going bold and defying the district’s hardline policies.

“The school will try to track us and force us into getting our grades up through highly advanced tactics,” Vict said. “They’ve done this before, and let’s just say that the staff WiFi isn’t exactly being used exclusively by the staff.”