New changes in ideology create drastic differences in curriculum

After deep consideration, research and googling, BG is officially making the switch. Starting next Wednesday, the entire school will begin adopting the theory of Last Wednesdayism and the space is fake theory.

Last Wednesdayism is the idea that the universe was created last Wednesday, and that all of our memories from before then were created by and implanted in our brains by aliens. All the evidence points towards this theory being true.

“It only makes sense. Everything from last week feels blurry anyway,” junior Aih Atethis said. “I mean, can you prove it’s not?”

There’s no telling if this means the administration will “forget” about the recent implementation of the 2.8 GPA or higher policy, as for the time being it seems that conclusion was reached by a life form alien to ours.

“It only makes sense that they get rid of that policy,” senior Michael Scarn said. “It’s only obvious that no human could come up with something that cruel.”

As for space being fake, all star charts have been burned and all planet diagrams have been melted. The entire physics curriculum has been scrapped and the administration has cut ties with the College Board, stating that, “any organization that feeds off the misinformation of the future of mankind deserves to be boycotted and flattened.”

Only time will tell how this will affect the rest of curriculum and the careers of teachers. Physics teacher Ner Dyguy was hospitalized with a stroke after the announcement last week. Environmental science teacher Skraight Fax was arrested when attempting to assemble a resistance of students, who were planning to execute a coup d’etat.

“Our paper is flat, our basketball courts are flat, our football field is flat, but they want to tell us our earth is round?” Dean of Students Al Beback said. “Pshaw.”