Freshmen replace seniors and staff members as captains and coaches

Since its founding in 1973, a shocking structure has found its way into the school where the bison roam: a violent food chain. A cruel social hierarchy in which underclassmen cower toward the upperclassmen who walk, or dare I say roam, through the school as if it is their home. Chants of “freshman bedtime” haunt the hallowed halls during the passing period before eighth, exposing that some freshmen go to bed as early as 2 p.m, a previously well-kept secret.

A study of one freshman conducted by The Charger staff discovered that freshmen simply do not feel like they belong at this school.

“I simply do not feel like I belong at this school,” freshman Freya Schmete said.

Luckily, a new policy has been implemented to combat this blatant mistreatment: from this point forward, all clubs and sports will be led and sponsored by freshmen as opposed to upperclassmen or teachers.

Some upperclassmen and teachers were initially frustrated by this rule. They attended a district board meeting in protest, claiming that it was “unfair” to demote them from varsity captains and coaches into mere members of their school’s frosh/soph teams. Thankfully, district board members were quick to shut down these claims.

“I was annoyed when I found out how unsupportive they were of our decision,” board member Tophore Teene said. “I informed them of our new ‘learn by leading’ policy, and I think they really had a change of heart. They left the board meeting with grins on their faces.”

Freshmen will take on new responsibilities as varsity captains and coaches. Among these responsibilities are encouraging team-building activities, leading practices and driving buses to field trips, competitions and games. The U.S. only provides driver’s licenses to 16-year-olds, so 14-year-old freshmen will need to drive illegally without licenses. This will not cause any problems unless the bus is involved in an accident, Teene said.

“I’m so excited to be the first person in my friend group to start driving!” freshman Yung Sterr said. “I just hope they don’t make my Mom sign a permission slip first.”