Phoboscillan is here to cure your fear


A new discovery has been made that will permanently impact our lives forever. The new Phoboscillan medicine discovered in the Phoboscyian lab over the course of this past year will subside and ultimately eliminate all of our fears and phobias with just a single dosage. 

Dr. Matthew Scully amongst many other doctors has been researching this new phenomena and claims it to be 99.9% effective.

“I’m actually going to get my first shot of Phoboscillan in May,” said science teacher Philip Fearden, “I’m excited because I think it’s going to really help with my fear of heights.”

Over one million Americans have already signed up to take this shot in May. With fears as little as spiders or much more extreme such as social anxiety, Phoboscillan has proven to work wonders.

According to senior Anxia Tey who had gotten her shot early, she feels the effects already.

“I’ve struggled with social anxiety amongst other phobias, but now I’m starting to feel gradually more confident as the days go on,” Tey said. “I recently had a presentation to do in class and somehow, magically, all my stressors were gone.”

As with many other medicines, this shot will take a few days to kick in. After the few days are over, the effects are immediate and are expected to remain for the rest of someone’s life span. More people are signing up for their own shot of Phoboscillan. Soon we may all become a fearless nation. 

Dr. Scully who has also taken the shot himself strongly recommends it. With only minor side-effects such as abnormal growing of the ears and the loss of your right toe’s pinky toe nail, there is no reason not to try out Phoboscillan.

“I can’t wait to see all the other things that I’ll be able to do because of the shot,” Tey said. “I could travel the world, seek new job opportunities and even go to my doctor’s appointments without my mom.”

Phobscillan has struck this year as a pleasant surprise and its effects will dramatically change our lives forever. In a world with no fears, new ideas and innovations will continue to come out.

“This is just what we needed considering how awful this year has been so far,” Fearden said.